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Husband threatens to cheat if his wife of 7 years accepts UK Ph.D. scholarship offer

82
sad lady

Some men wouldn’t just allow their wives to surpass them in any way.

A troubled woman has messaged relationship counselor, David Papa Bondze-Mbir on something bothering her mind.

According to her, she had her Masters Degree before marrying her husband and they all agreed that she’ll pursue her Ph.D. after they have 2 children.

Now, they have two adorable children who’re 5 and 6 years and the woman has been given a full scholarship to pursue her Ph.D. course in the UK but the man said she should not go.

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His excuse is, he also has a Masters Degree and he’s doing fine so he doesn’t understand why the woman would love to further while he has not.

As it stands, the woman’s mother and mother-inlaw have pledged their support to take care of the kids while she’s away.

But her insensitive husband is now threatening that should she leave to pursue her education, he’ll have no choice than to cheat on her.

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Read the ladies’ message to Dave below:

82 COMMENTS

  1. Honestly if i were her i would do whats in my best interest and go bk to school. It seems to me like it was a set up from the beginning. He probably already cheating and just trying to use her schooling as an excuse to surely go ahead and be out there with it ijs💯💯

    • I totally agreed with you! If he can speak of it then he’s cheating already. Your leaving is his excuse to not be blamed. That’s very selfish of him and your family. GO AHEAD AND ACCOMPLISH YOUR DREAMS! If your mother and mother in law really cares they will stand by there decision to help out with the kids. Good luck!

      • I find it very interesting that all the ladies are insisting that he is cheating already. Why can’t the words he is speaking be a sign of being afraid or sad? Why can’t he be at fault for not expressing to his wife how much he will miss her while she is away in the wrong way? You are responding to a one sided story as always and quick to condemn. Breathe and relax to take it all in and then process a thought. Check out these facts:
        1. The man’s wife will be gone for an extended time. ( If someone says he can go visit I will scream)
        2. She has 2 children that she needs to nurture, it is not either of the MILs responsibility.
        3. If those three reasons above is not enough for her to find another way then it is likely future decisions will be handled this way which would most likely end in divorce anyway.
        4. Everybody has dreams that they have to sacrifice. Don’t blame the guy because you agreed to become a wife and a mother. Education will always be there even if it is not the way you want it.

        • 1. He can go visit. She’s not in the military so it’s not like she’s in a war zone where it’s not allowed
          2. It takes a village to raise a child. If this agreement was set prior and the parents have no objections then there’s no issue.
          3. Yes when he can’t have his way he’ll act like a spoiled child and threaten to do something stupid to have his way instead of acting like a full grown adult.
          4. She already put her dreams on hold and kept her end of the agreement prior to marriage. He’s the one being selfish not wanting to support his wife like she has done for him in sticking with this plan.
          5. He already cheating

        • Your word is all we have to go on. And if you dishonor that then I can’t trust you anyway. Something similar happened to me. And I tell you it’s best to divorce and go on with your separate lives.

        • Better to waste 7 years than 30. Whether he is cheating or not, he is a selfish jerk that is trying to make his wife a slave to his demands. Husband and wife are supposed to “work together” for the good of the “family” not dictate and manipulate to get their way The fact that she has to ask for advice, shows that this is not a mutual marriage. Staying in this “marriage” is just prolonging the eventually demise of the relationship.

        • He is a weak ads man that don’t support his wife. If the shoe was other foot things would be different. Individuals go to school all the time and let their mother keep their kids. You must be an insure person if you don’t see the value in her getting her PHD. That God I received mines last year. And if he cheat she need to tell him to kiss where the sun don’t shine…

        • Dis you read the fact that they made plans BEFORE marriage for her to receive her PhD?? Furthermore whether it’s the MIL’s job or not nothing is wrong with them helping especially if they volunteered so how is the burden left on him? He has none! Thirdly, the UK actually allow spouses to enter the UK along with their partner who is studying and gives them a Visa to facilitate marriages. Lastly, why would he want to selfishly hinder her or any other human being just because he will miss her when that could further their household monetarily? Stop being bias! He doesnt want her to be more successful than him and we all know that African men are strong headed in this regard. Their definition of a real man is far different… no need to cheat he can simply end the marriage.

        • No, he is being selfish. It’s not just about missing her she even mentioned him saying masters is enough for him so it should be for her too! They are not the same person and they made an agreement before they got married. This is a great opportunity for her and those that truly love us want us to grow and be successful they don’t try to stunt your growth out of selfishness or insecurities. He doesn’t want her to continue her education because a masters degree is enough to him and just because he doesn’t want more he thinks she should feel the same. I think the fact he said that speaks volumes and then he threatens her with cheating, even if he isn’t already cheating which I wouldn’t assume, he is not a supportive partner and he is actually sounding controlling. She’s not submitting to him??? Come on now there’s more going on here than a husband possibly missing his wife, this man is trying to control her and hold her back from what he already knew she wanted to do. No it isn’t the mother and MIL responsibility but that’s true supportiveness and it’s temporary. They won’t be in debt it’s completely paid for which is amazing, he needs to get more supportive or she should just find a new partner that actually wants her to reach her true potential and not hold her back.

        • You both are already married.!!!! That means you both trusted each other enough not to worry if something like this happened!!…. The word cheat should NOT COME OUT YOUR SPOUSE MOUTH EVEN IF THEY WAS JOKING CHEAT,/CHEATING/CHEATED IS SERIOUS & DISGUSTING…… Plus WHY WOULD YOU NOT WANT TO KEEP ACHIEVING IN SUCCESS IS BONUSES FOR BOTH PARTNERS🤷🏼🤷🏼🤷🏼…

    • I totally agreed with you! If he can speak of it then he’s cheating already. Your leaving is his excuse to not be blamed. That’s very selfish of him and your family. GO AHEAD AND ACCOMPLISH YOUR DREAMS! If your mother and mother in law really cares they will stand by there decision to help out with the kids. Good luck!

    • He is already unfaithful he became unfaithful the second he thought to tell her he would cheat.
      So go do her studies in U.K. n leave him to God

  2. Pls continue ur career u both agreed on it before getting Married so why is he changing now d best is for u to use d opportunity given is better now dan neva my dear he shuld be proud of u and support ur desires,

  3. If you are to offer a married person a 7 year scholarship, it’s only normal than it come with similar opportunity for other the spouse. We have seen study offerings that see an entire family relocate fully sponsored.

  4. If your husband wants to cheat when you are around he will definitely do so. Are you sure he is not cheating now.
    One year for you to do your Ph.d program is added advantage to your family but your husband is selfish and jealous of your progress. Supposing he is the one that won the scholarship would he be telling you that he will not leave you for one year because he wants to avoid being tempted of cheating on you.
    Woman, this is your opportunity don’t miss it. Future will tell you the real man you married.

    • He has showed himself as an enemy to his wife’s progress, he has been cheating for longs, abeg biko iyawo pursue your careers when you are back you will still enjoy the remeant

    • I agree he already is cheating for him to say that he’s very selfish and jealous I would kick his ass to the curb if he’s not going to support you

  5. This is definitely an insecure man and she shouldn’t let his insecurities hold her back.

    Who’s to say he isn’t already cheating? And what makes him think she can’t cheat right back if he does.

    • If this is his mindset, I wouldn’t want him to go anywhere with me. No need to babysit him to attempt to keep him faithful. His saying that gives you more of a reason to go ahead and finish your education. You’ll be better prepared to take care of yourself alone, which most likely is on the horizon. You’ve certainly been warned of the possibility.

  6. He has showed himself as an enemy to his wife’s progress, he has been cheating for longs, abeg biko iyawo pursue your careers when you are back you will still enjoy the remeant

  7. Please don’t give up on your dreams for a man. I see love to also be obedience to your partner’s ideas. If in this situation, he placed such an excuse then do we call that love? How sure are you that he isn’t cheating on you already and sees this to be a great opportunity for him to do more?
    Go for your dreams!

  8. The excuses your husband is giving is very poor. Once a cheater will always be a cheater, what he is trying to say is that he is already cheating on you in your presence so by you traveling to the UK will just make it more comfortable for him. Any real man who love you will never look in your face to tell you that.By the way that was very disrespectful to tell your wife that. My dear just further your education to the highest level you wish to, you will be fine and you will never be the first nor the last person who will goes through that.He is a jealous husband who doesn’t want to see your dream come through. You have been living with your enemy for the past 7years.He is not a supporter of your achievements so let him be while you go for you PHD.

  9. Your husband is a pathetic insecure baby. He should be supporting you not dragging you down. He’s trying to manipulate you. Take the scholarship. He has shown his true colours and he doesn’t support you. You agreed and now he wants to go back on this agreement. What else will he be insecure about? What else will he throw a tantrum about? If you don’t accept this offer, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

  10. Your husband is a pathetic insecure baby. He should be supporting you not dragging you down. He’s trying to manipulate you. Take the scholarship. He has shown his true colours and he doesn’t support you. You agreed and now he wants to go back on this agreement. What else will he be insecure about? What else will he throw a tantrum about? If you don’t accept this offer, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.

  11. You should go ahead with your education dont let nobody hold you back you husband is less than a man and been cheating all the time

  12. I gave up my life for my ex h8sband…he still cheated….he still left and today i have nothing. Go follow your dream. You have kids thats growing up and whi will follow you footsteps. Go for it!!!!

  13. 2020 and a husband is behaving such is unbelievable. We can talk and advice all we. An but the ultimate decision is in your hands.
    1. If you see a future with this man, forfeit the PHD,
    2. if you think you can’t support yourself after the PHD forfeit it,
    3. If you think his not already cheating on you and will be holy after forfeiting your PHD, look around.
    You are a wise person, follow your instincts and do justice for you and your kids.

  14. Go for your study my dear poster .you owe no one your life. It’s yours. Go for your one year course and come back to fulfil your dream biggerly

  15. I’m 99.9999% sure he was already cheating before he made that threat, so literally nothing will change if you go pursue your degree other than this time you’ll actually know about it.

  16. Who tell u say he never start the cheating self. Na today men start to cheat. If u dey under the same roof, he go cheat. Abeg go for you PHD, if u reach there and u con get evidence say he dey cheat, abeg arrange yourself well for there, find how u go remain for uk and from there arrange how your children go join u. Fakati

  17. My take is 👉follow your dreams. If you once agreed so why the husband changing now. Don’t miss this kind of opportunity. Cheating should not b a scapegoat of denying to fulfil your dreams

  18. This kind of issues in marriage gives me goose bumps when I remember I have to take a decision on the choice of a life partner…

    Does this mean the “for better for worse” phrase used during wedding is only applicable to the women folk.

    Pls how can a single Lady decipher one who is overtly insecure and who would feel ridiculed if I decide to take rare opportunities to better myself ,my carrier, my life and family.

    And to think that if it were a man who was given this kind of oppurtunity, (even if its for 3 years) his wife would never raise dust about it..but rather leap for joy, prepare for his departure,brazen up to task of taking care of the home in his absence and still welcome him with smiles and open arms whenever he returns…

    But why is it so difficult for the male folks to do likewise or even a tiny fraction of the sacrifice a woman is willing to undergo just to keep a happy home.

    My advice to this young woman is to pursue her dreams, since she previously tabled the matter before the nuptial knots were tied…..

    A man who would cheat woukd cheat even under your very own nose….

    And it will be heart wrenching for you to be unfulfilled in life because you decided to make sacrifices for a selfish person.

  19. He don’t want you to go because you may become more successful than he is. That’s probably why he wanted you to have those children. So you wouldn’t think about it but obviously the plan didn’t work.

    Get you education girl, he’ll be fine!!

  20. Never allow anyone to steal your dreams. I’m sorry he doesn’t have anymore ambition to improve himself and continue to better his life. The sheer selfishness of this man is astounding.
    So he basically lied to his wife to get her to marry him. He thought once she has the two children that she would be to busy to fulfill her dreams. That she would be satisfied by being subservient to him and his demands.
    Let him go and fulfill your dreams and your destiny. Grieve the end of your marriage but not for to long. A better man is in the future. A man that will appreciate and honor you. Who will uplift and encourage you.
    Show your children that in 2020, it’s okay for a woman to be all she can be.

  21. Girl please do what you have to do, a man that truely loves he’s wife would stand by her in everything, see some men are born to cheat ,, sorry the man is not been reasonable , and he feels if you should go for the PHD level you would be higher than he is,, and since he is the head makes him feel you need to do as he wants, but remember if going for your PHD will make him cheat then let him do so, It’s not a new thing, dear please follow your heart.

  22. Hi ladies, If you have a supportive husband, please grab him and give him a tight hug. Some men do not want the best for their wives.

    This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. Sit him down and reason with him or better still, show him all these comments so he can see he’s being unreasonable.

    What if she decides not to go anymore and he cheats on her anyway, then leaves her? Won’t there be regrets?

    • It’s once in a while but she still has a family to take care of. If the man were leaving the country for a few years to further his education, I think this conversation would be a lot different

  23. That is good , she should see this as an easy way out of the marriage before she gets further qualification and income let him go , she need to make sure to get his words on type Ahha leave him let him go

  24. GIIRRRRRRLLLL. if you don’t GO GET THAT PHD RIGHT NOW. give that man his divorce papers. he gonna hafta learn today. don’t hold yerself back! BYE FELICIA. 👋

  25. That’s this toxic masculinity and old ways ! LEAVE HIS ASS!! Neow ! I guarantee your going to find another man that pushes himself and you ! It’s not many black people pursuing their PHDs ! F’ him ! Get your education! Show your children that there are no limits !!!

  26. OK they have two kids together have a 7yr long marriage & this woman wants to leave the country for an entire year & leave her family for a year plus maybe More who knows And this man is supposed to put his life on pause and take care of kids that he didn’t make on his own himself for year. Not see her for an entire year after being together for seven years probably pretty much seeing her every day. I’m not saying sheet but he should at least break up with her first if he feels he has to do that. That will be hard for any man or woman.

    • Why not? So Women are the only ones you sacrifice compromise & accommodate? He is the Father so he’s capable to maintain just as well..spare me the theatrics bc women have done those very things mentioned for eternity.. military couples compromise so why can’t he? Marriage is nothing but a way to control & manipulate females & strip identity anyway ..#MoreThanBabyMachines

  27. Get your education you will never forgive yourself if you don’t full paid scholarship .Guess what happens when you pass on this opportunity .you will find out he been cheating all alone.Go and when you get back kick his cheating ASS to the curb !!

  28. He’s not worthy of your time. He does not value you the way you want. Perhaps to him, your value is in the things you do & not in who you are. Or maybe he places his own value in how much money he makes. Either way it is unhealthy. Pursue your career goals.

  29. If he threatened to do what is ungodly for embarking on a noble project pls get the assurance that he’s already in it and be ready for the worst even if you don’t travel to UK.

  30. Lady please take the scholarship and move to a better future for yourself and education. I believe in you and many others too. If you were my wife I would be making plans to move with you and find a job where ever we are going.

  31. How selfish of him. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. But at the end of the day this is YOUR life as a spouse it’s totally okay for him to tell you his concerns but to try to manipulate you or punish you for continuing your dreams is not ok. If he loved you or respected you enough he will let you go. So do what make you happy! Your kids will grow up one day and graduate themselves and you will forever regret not going back. Don’t do that to yourself for all you know he might not stick around.

  32. Is excuse is weak but honestly he just doesn’t want to be lonely or do the long distance thing. Maybe they can compromise and she get her PhD here. Sure it won’t be free but you pay for what you want and you ll still have your family.

  33. Tell to be smart safe and wise. He may get more then sex. There are diseases he may not even know about. But not to worry I will not be getting anything from his bring home. Our relationship ship of 7 years is over. I do not want a selfish uneducated cheater for a husband. Goodbye ,lousy of a cheater male Not man,
    Male.

  34. Tell to be smart safe and wise. He may get more then sex. There are diseases he may not even know about. But not to worry I will not be getting anything from his bring home. Our relationship ship of 7 years is over. I do not want a selfish lousy uneducated cheater for a husband. Goodbye ,lousy of a cheater male Not man,
    Male.

  35. Deeez nuts. That’s all i would tell him . I’d be packing my bags and divorcing him what children need to witness this type of behavior and think that is what union is or love is. FOH your husband is support to be your biggest supporter your well off without this ass hole

  36. I guess you are pretty woman and talk to your man and ( believe he will understand. Bribe him with enough sex that when you let he wont have stamina to pursue other babes out there because there are many pretty babes in ghana. Am a Nigerian I lived in tema for 2 yrs before I moved to Nigeria last year march. Your women pretty love dating their fellow married men. I studied that a lot

  37. You will resent him if you don’t pursue your education especially if it’s to keep him from cheating. This was agreed to before marriage. you are still being loyal to your vows. He however, speaks of being unfaithful and disloyal and it’s not on you. I am also disappointed for you and may God grant you strength. Take the opportunity and do your phD.
    For this marriage to succeed he needs to wise up and support you as he vowed to do when he married you, and do whatever it takes to regain the trust that would have been questioned by him proposing an affair.
    All the Best.

  38. My Sister, You know you future is in your hands. If you stay one day he will do what you will heart you that you will regret forfeiting the scholarship. Word of Advice. Just go to UK and since you know he will be cheating, tell him you will learn to do like wise in UK.

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