A man mistreated his mother and he said bad words about him

Question

Praise be to Allah.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him)
described gheebah (backbiting) as being “Your mentioning about your brother
something that he dislikes.” If the quality that is disliked is not actually
present, then it is a lie, and both of them are haraam.

Muslim (2589) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Messenger
of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Do you
know what backbiting is?” They said: Allaah and His Messenger know best. He
said: “When you say about your brother something that he dislikes.” They
said: What if what I say about my brother is true? He said: “If it is true
then you have backbitten about him and if it is not true then you have told
a grave lie about him.”

Based on this, your saying bad things about this person in
his absence must be either backbiting or lying, so what you have to do is
repent to Allaah and resolve not to do this again. Part of repenting fully
is striving to correct your feelings towards him, praying for forgiveness
for him and mentioning his good qualities before those in whose presence you
spoke ill of him. See the answer to question no.
52807.

This applies if the words were said in his absence. But if
they were said in his presence, then this comes under the heading of
reviling, insulting and rudeness, which is also haraam, so long as there was
no retaliation, i.e., responding to bad words in kind without overstepping
the mark.

That is because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof; but
whoever forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is with Allaah.
Verily, He likes not the Zaalimoon (oppressors, polytheists, and
wrongdoers).

41. And indeed whosoever takes revenge after he has
suffered wrong, for such there is no way (of blame) against them.

42. The way (of blame) is only against those who oppress
men and rebel in the earth without justification; for such there will be a
painful torment.

43. And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives,
that would truly be from the things recommended by Allaah”

[al-Shoora 42:40-43]

And Muslim (2587) narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “When two people
revile one another, the one who starts it is the sinner, so long as the one
who is wronged does not overstep the mark.”

It says in Subul al-Salaam (2/675): The hadeeth
indicates that it is permissible to respond in kind to the one who insulted
one first, and that the sin of that will come back on the one who started
it, because he is the cause of everything that the one who is answering back
says, unless the one who is answering back oversteps the mark, in which case
the sin of aggression is borne by him, because the permission is granted to
respond only to the same extent as the initial offence:
“The recompense for an evil is an evil like thereof”
[al-Shoora 42:4] and “Then whoever transgresses the prohibition against you,
you transgress likewise against him” [al-Baqarah 2:194].

But not responding in kind, being patient and putting up with
it is better. It is proven that a man reviled Abu Bakr (may Allaah be
pleased with him) in the presence of the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) and Abu Bakr kept quiet whilst the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) was sitting there. When Abu Bakr
responded, the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) got
up and left. He was asked about that and he said: “When Abu Bakr kept quiet
there was an angel responding on his behalf, but when he stood up for
himself, the shaytaan came,” or words to that effect. Allaah says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“And verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that
would truly be from the things recommended by Allaah”

[al-Shoora 42:40-43]

End quote.

But if you respond to this mistreatment by speaking and
acting kindly towards him, and being gentle and nice, and obey Allaah with
regard to him when he disobeys Him with regard to you, that is the status of
people of a high level of taqwa (piety), which only a few can attain.

Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“The good deed and the evil deed cannot be equal. Repel
(the evil) with one which is better (i.e. Allaah orders the faithful
believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat
them badly) then verily he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will
become) as though he was a close friend.

35. But none is granted it (the above quality) except
those who are patient — and none is granted it except the owner of the great
portion (of happiness in the Hereafter, i.e., Paradise and of a high moral
character) in this world”

[Fussilat 41:34-35]

May Allaah help us and you to do that which He loves and
which pleases Him.

And Allaah knows best.