His family are criticizing him for staying with them and not getting married; how should he deal with them?
Question I treat my family well, but they are not treating me in the same way. Sometimes they shame me because I still am unmarried and staying with them. From my simple salary, 200 LE, I try to help at home. I am a governmental clerk at education ministry. I wanted to study another field,…
Question
Praise be to Allah.
Firstly:
Your parents have great
rights over you and are entitled to respect and kind treatment, even if they
mistreat you, and even if they try to make you leave Islam and join the
caravan of shirk – Allaah forbid. This is a right that is guaranteed to them
by Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And your Lord has
decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your
parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not
to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of
honour”
[al-Isra’ 17:23]
“But if they (both)
strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you
have no knowledge, then obey them not; but behave with them in the world
kindly, and follow the path of him who turns to Me in repentance and in
obedience. Then to Me will be your return, and I shall tell you what you
used to do”
[Luqmaan 31:15]
Remember this even though
you think that your treating them kindly and honouring them is destroying
your “dignity”. Remember this even though you are saying “how long can I
suppress my anger?”
You have to carry on
putting up with your family’s mistreatment of you and you have to carry on
honouring them and treating them kindly, even if they mistreat you and hurt
you.
Secondly:
What we advise you to do in
practical terms is as follows:
1 – Be patient and seek
reward with Allaah for the things you are suffering from your family. Allaah
says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And seek help in
patience and As-Salaah (the prayer) and truly, it is extremely heavy and
hard except for Al-Khaashi‘oon [i.e. the true believers in Allaah — those
who obey Allaah with full submission, fear much from His punishment, and
believe in His Promise (Paradise) and in His Warnings (Hell)]”
[al-Baqarah 2:45].
2 – Honour them and treat
them kindly, and show kindness to them by giving them gifts, taking care of
them, and speaking nicely to them. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that
the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Give one
another gifts, so that you will love one another.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari
in al-Adab al-Mufrad (594); classed as hasan by al-Haafiz Ibn Hajar
in al-Talkhees al-Habeer (3/70) and by al-Albaani in Irwa’
al-Ghaleel (1601).
3 – Advise them and urge
them to adhere to the rulings of sharee’ah and good manners, with wisdom and
beautiful preaching.
Allaah says (interpretation
of the meaning):
“Invite (mankind, O
Muhammad صلىالله عليه وسلم) to the way
of your Lord (i.e. Islam) with wisdom (i.e. with the Divine Revelation and
the Qur’aan) and fair preaching, and argue with them in a way that is
better. Truly, your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His path, and
He is the Best Aware of those who are guided”
[al-Nahl 16:125]
4 – Use a variety of da’wah
methods, and do not stick to just one method. Audio and video tapes and
booklets may have an effect in changing their behaviour.
5 – Seek the help of
knowledgeable people and seeker of knowledge who are held in high esteem by
them, and ask them to visit you and speak to them and advise them.
6 – Strive to seek a halaal
income, which will enable you to get married. You can look for another job,
or travel to a Muslim country to work there.
7 – Always pray that they
will be guided.
We ask Allaah to enable you
to do that which He loves and which pleases Him, and to make things easy for
you, and to guide your family to righteousness and wisdom.
And Allaah is the source of
strength.
