His parents want to separate, and each of them wants him to be on their side

Question

Praise be to Allah.

Honouring
one’s parents is a duty that is enjoined on children, and disobeying them is
something that is definitively forbidden. Allah, may He be blessed and
exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And your
Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to
your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life,
say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in
terms of honour.

And lower
unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: ‘My
Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.’

Your Lord
knows best what is in your inner-selves. If you are righteous, then, verily,
He is Ever Most Forgiving to those who turn unto Him again and again in
obedience, and in repentance”

[al-Isra’
17:23-25].

Shaykh
Muhammad al-Ameen ash-Shanqeeti (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

In this
verse, Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, enjoined sincerity of worship
to Him alone, and He mentioned alongside that the command to treat parents
kindly. This pairing of obedience to parents with worshipping Him alone that
is mentioned here is also mentioned in other verses, such as the following:

“Worship
Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents…”

[an-Nisa’
4:36]

“And
(remember) when We took a covenant from the Children of Israel, (saying):
Worship none but Allah (Alone) and be dutiful and good to parents…”

[al-Baqarah
2:83]

“Give
thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination”

[Luqmaan
31:14]

Elsewhere,
He explains that honouring them is obligatory, even if they are mushrikeen
and call one to join them in their shirk (association of others with Allah),
as He says (interpretation of the meaning):

“But if
they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that
of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in
the world kindly”

[Luqmaan
31:15]

“And We
have enjoined on man to be good and dutiful to his parents, but if they
strive to make you join with Me (in worship) anything (as a partner) of
which you have no knowledge, then obey them not. Unto Me is your return”

[al-‘Ankaboot
29:8].

In these
verses Allah, may He be glorified and exalted, mentions kindness to parents
in conjunction with Tawheed (affirmation of His Oneness) and worshipping Him
alone. This is indicative of the emphasis placed on the obligation to treat
parents with kindness.

End quote
from Adwa’ al-Bayaan, 3/85

Hence it is
obligatory for you to honour your parents, treat them kindly, offer them
sincere advice, and try to reconcile between them. If they insist on
divorce, the right of either of them to kind treatment is not waived, no
matter how wrong they have been.

You should
explain clearly to them that you will continue to honour them and will try
hard to be kind to them, but you will avoid inclining to either party at the
expense of the other or listening to claims and accusations that may turn
you against one or the other, as there will be no benefit in listening to
these claims if they have chosen to separate.

You should
remember that the mother’s right to good companionship is three times that
of the father, without detracting from the father’s rights.

It was
narrated that Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said: A man came
to the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) and
said: O Messenger of Allaah, which of the people is most deserving of my
good companionship? He said: “Your mother, then your mother, then your
mother, then your father.”

Narrated by
al-Bukhaari, 5626; Muslim, 2548.

An-Nawawi
(may Allah have mercy on him) said: In this hadeeth we see the
recommendation to treat relatives kindly, and that the mother is the most
entitled of them to that. Then after her comes the father, then the next
closest, then the next closest. The scholars said: The reason for precedence
being given to the mother is the great deal of effort that she puts into
raising him, her compassion, her service, the difficulties she suffers in
pregnancy, childbirth, and breastfeeding, then in raising him, serving him
and taking care of him when he is sick, and so on. Al-Haarith al-Muhaasibi
narrated that the scholars were unanimously agreed that precedence is given
to the mother over the father in terms of kind treatment. Al-Qaadi ‘Iyaad
narrated that there was a difference of opinion concerning that: the
majority said that she is given precedence but some said that the parents
are to be given equal good treatment. And some of them attributed that to
Maalik. However the correct view is the first opinion, because of the clear
meaning of these hadeeths. And Allah knows best.

End quote
from Sharh Muslim, 16/102

Shaykh
Muhammad ibn Saalih al-‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) was asked: I
am a young man, twenty-five years of age. My father and mother are
constantly arguing all day long. If I show kindness to one of them, the
other one gets angry, and if I show kindness to the other one, the first one
gets angry and accuses me of being disobedient. What should I do, O shaykh,
in order to honour both of them? Am I regarded as being disobedient towards
my mother just because I show kindness to my father, or vice versa?

He replied:

The answer
in this case is that honouring parents is one of the most important duties
that one human being owes to another, because Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“Worship
Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents…”

[an-Nisa’
4:36].

“And your
Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to
your parents”

[al-Isra’
17:23].

“Give
thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination”

[Luqmaan
31:14].

And there
are many hadeeths that speak of this matter. What the individual is required
to do is to honour both of his parents, both his mother and his father, and
to treat them kindly financially, by means of physical actions, by means of
his high status, and in every way he can. Allah, may He be exalted, says
(interpretation of the meaning):

“And We
have enjoined on man (to be dutiful and good) to his parents. His mother
bore him in weakness and hardship upon weakness and hardship, and his
weaning is in two years give thanks to Me and to your parents, unto Me is
the final destination.

But if
they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that
of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in
the world kindly”

[Luqmaan
31:14-15].

So He
enjoined kind treatment of these mushrik parents who strive to make their
child follow them in their shirk; despite those efforts on their part, Allah
commands the child to behave with them in this world kindly. As that is the
case, what you have to do with regard to your parents who you say are always
arguing, and that each of them gets angry with you if you show respect to
the other, is two things:

Firstly,
with regard to the disputes that are occurring between them, you should try
to reconcile between them if you can, so as to put an end to the disputes,
enmity and resentment that existed between them. That is because each spouse
has duties towards the other that must be fulfilled, and part of your
honouring your parents is to try to put an end to these disputes so as to
clear the air between them and make life happier.

Secondly,
your duty towards them is to honour and show kindness to each one of them,
and you can deflect the anger of the other when you show kindness to one of
them by concealing it. So you can show kindness to your mother in some way
that your father will not find out about, and you can show kindness to your
father in some way that your mother will not find out about. In this way you
will have done what is required of you. You should not be content to let
your parents remain in a state of conflict and dispute and you should not
leave them in such a frame of mind that they will get angry if you show
kindness to one of them. What you have to do is explain to each of them that
showing kindness to one does not mean that you are severing ties with the
other; rather each of them has a share of kind treatment as enjoined by
Allah.

End quote
from Fataawa Islamiyyah, 4/196

If your
parents persist in this dispute, what we think you should do is avoid
getting involved in their arguments altogether, especially since you have
been offering your advice to them from the beginning.

May Allah
help you to honour your parents and guide you; may He guide your parents and
set their affairs straight.

And Allah knows best.