If he says to his wife: O my mother or O my sister, or You are my mother or my sister

Question

Praise be to Allah.

If a man says to his wife you are my mother
or my sister, or O my mother, then is it may be zihaar or it may not,
depending on his intention, because the Prophet (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “Actions are but by intentions, and each man will
have but that which he intended.” Agreed upon.

In most cases a husband says such words as
terms of endearment or respect, so it is not zihaar, and the wife does not
become haraam for her husband thereby.

Ibn Qudaamah (may Allaah have mercy on him)
said in al-Mughni (6/8): If he says: You are to me like my mother,
intending zihaar thereby, then it is zihaar, according to most of the
scholars. But if he intended to honour her and show respect, then it is not
zihaar.

The same applies if he says You are my
mother or My wife is my mother. End quote.

The Standing Committee was asked: Some
people say to their wives: I am your brother and you are my sister. What is
the ruling on that?

They replied: If a man says to his wife: I
am your brother and you are my sister, or You are my mother, or like my
mother, or You are like my mother or my sister to me, if he intended thereby
to say words of honour and respect, or he had no particular intention and it
was not accompanied by anything that indicates zihaar, then this does not
count as zihaar and he does not have to do anything.

But if he intended zihaar by such words, or
they were accompanied by something that indicates zihaar, such as saying
these words when he was angry with her or he was threatening her, then it is
zihaar and it is haraam. He has to repent and offer expiation before he
touches her. The expiation is freeing a slave; if that is not possible then
he must fast for two consecutive months; if he is not able to do that, then
he must feed sixty poor persons. End quote from Fataawa al-Lajnah
al-Daa’imah (20/274)

Secondly:

Some of the scholars regarded it as makrooh
for a man to say to his wife: O my mother or O my sister, because of the
report narrated by Abu Dawood (2210), according to which a man said to his
wife, O my sister. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of
Allaah be upon him) said: “Is she your sister?” and he disapproved of this
and forbade it. The correct view is that it is not makrooh, and this hadeeth
is not saheeh. It was classed as da’eef by al-Albaani in Da’eef Abi
Dawood.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allaah have mercy
on him) was asked: Is it permissible for a man to say to his wife: O my
sister or O my mother, intending only to express love thereby?

He replied:

Yes, it is permissible for him to say to
her, O my sister or O my mother, and other such words which imply affection
and love. Some of the scholars regarded it as makrooh for a man to address
his wife in such terms, but there is no basis for that, because actions are
but by intentions, and this man does not intend by calling her his sister
that she should become haraam for him, rather his intention is to express
his love for her, and everything that is a cause of love between spouses, on
the part of the husband or of the wife, is something desirable. End quote.

Fataawa Burnamaj Noor ‘ala al-Darb

And Allaah knows best.