What Must the Mourning Widow Abide By

Question

Praise be to Allah.

The Hadith states what a mourning widow is prohibited
from doing and what she is requested to do.

First, she must remain in her house in which she
was living when her husband died. She remains therein until her iddah (mourning
period) comes to an end. This is four months and ten days. Unless she is pregnant,
wherein her mourning period ends when she gives birth. Allah says in the Quran,

“For those who are pregnant, their waiting period is until
they deliver” (al-Talaq 4).

She does not leave the house except due to need
or necessity, such as visiting the hospital due to illness, buying what she
is in need of from the market, such as food or other items, if she cannot find
others to do such for her. Similarly, if the house is destroyed, she leaves
it for another house. Finally, if she does not find anyone who she knows close
to her and she fears for her safety, she may move due to that need.

Second, she may not wear any kind of beautiful
clothing, either yellow, green or other. She must wear clothing which is not
beautiful or attractive, regardless of whether it be black, green or otherwise.
The important aspect is that it is not beautiful or attractive. This is what
the Prophet (peace be upon him) ordered.

Third, she must not wear jewelry, either gold,
silver, diamonds, pearls or anything of that nature. This is regardless if it
be bracelets, chains or rings. She may not wear anything of this nature until
her mourning period is over.

Fourth, she must refrain from using perfume. She
cannot perfume herself with either incense or any other kind of items that make
the body smell good. The only exception to this is when she cleanses herself
after her period. In that case, there is no harm if she applies some kind of
incense.

Fifth, she should not apply kohl. She can neither
use kohl nor anything similar to kohl which is a beautification for the face,
a beautification that may be considered something that attracts people. As for
the normal beautification of using water and soap, there is nothing wrong with
that. But the kohl which is a beautification of the eyes and other similar items
that woman put on their faces are not to be used.

These are the five items that a woman must attend
to when her husband dies.

However, there are many other acts that the general
masses believe or have fabricated concerning a mourning woman. For example,
they say that she cannot talk to anyone, she may not talk on the phone, she
can only take a shower once a week, she cannot walk barefoot in her house, she
cannot go out under the light of the moon, and other superstitions that are
simply false. There is no basis for any of these. She may walk barefoot or with
shoes in her house. She fulfills her needs in the house, such as cooking her
food and the food of her guests. She may go out in the light of the moon on
her roof 1 or in her garden. She may wash herself whenever she wishes. She may
speak to anyone she wishes as long as it is not suspicious speech. She may shake
hands with women and men she is related to– as for those men she is not related
to, she may not shake their hands. She may remove her head scarf if she is not
in the presence of men she is not related to.

However, she should not use henna or saffron either
on her clothing or in her coffee. This is because saffron is a kind of perfume
and it is not allowed for her to perfume herself. She cannot be proposed to.
One may indirectly make a statement intent to her but a clear proposal is not
allowed.