Relationship & Marriage Expert, Counsellor Adofoli is out with a new piece of writting dubbed ‘Every woman is insecure’.
I know this caption is likely to hurt someone’s ego and they will jump into conclusion without thinking through or reading to the end. But those who are patient and willing to learn will find this article helpful. I am not a fool and won’t pretend to know everything but I won’t fail to share the little knowledge I have with those who are willing to learn something.
We all have our needs and when our needs are not met, we complain. Many at times when women complain too much about things they are not happy about, be it their needs not being met or being treated differently, some men easily tag them as naggers. “You nag too much, you nag about everything”, that’s the ‘compliments’ they get for voicing out what is killing them or making them unhappy. We are naturally forcing them to be okay with what is not okay with them, we are forcing them to live with hurt and yet expect them to be happy with us.
Telling a woman, you love her and want to marry her is such a serious statement and they treat it with all seriousness. She wants to be sure you are not playing with her mind and feelings, that you are not leading her on and mean what you are saying. They go a step further to seek for confirmation, in words or actions. That is why introducing them to your friends and family is such a big deal to her. That is why knowing your home, your office or where you work is a big deal to her.
That is why giving her a promise ring a big deal to her. That is why asking for time to think about your proposal is a big thing to her. That is why, asking people about you is a big deal to her. And once she agrees to be with you, it’s like giving her the highest office or position in your life, apart from God. And she wants to be treated as such.
You cannot make her General manager in your company and treat a Secretary in the company just like you treat her. You cannot share the benefits and privileges that come with the office of a General manager with a Secretary. She will feel insecure, she feels like you are planning to replace her with the secretary. She sees the Secretary as her rival, forgets the position she holds and rather focuses on how you treat the Secretary.
In the same way, you cannot give her the position of your lover or a wife or spouse and treat someone you call a friend better or in the same way you treat her, and think she should be okay with that and not do anything about it. She forgets about the promises and vows you made to her, the ring on her finger and fights your friend. She sees her as a threat.
That is why they have issues with how you celebrate your female friends on your DP, Timeline or Status, when you don’t celebrate them more than that or even in a similar fashion as you celebrated your friend. That is why they have a problem when you compliment your friend, say nice things about them but you don’t say more about them.
Women are special and when you bring them into your life as a spouse, they don’t want you to treat them as ordinary people in your life. They will always feel insecure. Not all men know this, that is why you need to be sensitive to her and her needs, you need to pay special attention to her, you need to listen to her, you need to make time for her, you need to talk to her.
Women don’t like to be with men who are insensitive and selfish or self-centered, women don’t like men who ignore them and take them for granted, women don’t like men who don’t listen to their needs, input, advice, suggestions, etc. Women don’t like men who are too busy for them, who place their job and friends above them. Women don’t like a man they cannot talk to, share their feelings, plans, ideas, etc. with. Being insecure is not something bad when it comes to women, that’s how they speak about what they are not happy with. Women need men who will listen wisely, learn and work with them.
In conclusion, “You husbands must be careful of your wives, being thoughtful of their needs and honoring them as the weaker sex. Remember that you and your wife are partners in receiving God’s blessings, and if you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers will not get ready answers” – 1 Peter 3:7 (TLB).